Birthday

The experience of having a baby and seeing him/her for the first time is unlike anything else in life. I cannot put it into words but I'll tell you our story.

Landon was due on January 17th, 2012, but at the rate we were going I swear he would have come in February. He was clearly too warm and comfortable and frankly I don't blame him. A week before my due date I was barely dilated or effaced and it didn't look like any progress was going to be made anytime soon. I was so ready to be done being pregnant and I was incredibly eager to meet my baby. It was at this appointment that my doctor decides to tell me he will be at a conference out of state from the 19th-24th of January.

Andy and I didn't like the idea of having someone we didn't know deliver our baby - the other doctor in the office would be on call in my doctor's absence. I knew that I could have chosen to see the other doctor for any of my prenatal appointments to get acquainted with him in the event that this would happen but it never worked out with my schedule. He is a fantastic doctor, just like mine, but I wanted my doctor - guaranteed. Even though I wasn't making much progress I had this sinking feeling that I would probably go into labor when my doctor was out of town (Murphy's Law, right!?) so my doctor suggested that we could do an induction on my due date. Andy LOVED this idea because he could plan his days out of the office and schedule his meetings accordingly. I wasn't in love with the idea because I was truly looking forward to the experience of my water breaking and/or having contractions on my own and heading to the hospital, bags packed and ready to go - but this was a guarantee that my doctor would be there... He told us to think about it and let him know as soon as we decided.

We discussed our options and decided that it made the most sense to do the induction. It took a lot of the guesswork out of the whole process and we were ready. On the evening of the 16th we headed to the hospital to get settled. The nurse did all the necessary preparations and rather quickly to my surprise. I was all hooked up to be monitored and had Cervidil placed in preparation for the next morning when they would start the pitocin and get the show on the road. We settled in and tried to sleep since that would be our last night of sleep as a family of two.

I believe it was about 6-7 (shift change) when they started the pitocin. I've heard some crazy stories about labor with pitocin - but I felt nothing. They had me on the lowest dosage and as the morning progressed I was only having a few contractions (that I didn't even know I was having) and they had me switch positions often. At one point they came in and told me that the baby's heart rate was dropping slightly. They gave me oxygen and had me switch positions a few more times. At around 11 they decided to stop the pitocin and the baby's heart rate returned to normal. The nurses had been in touch with my doctor and he called around noon to discuss the situation. Apparently my naughty little baby was not liking labor and his heart rate was dropping too low during each contraction. My doctor felt as though it would be safer to proceed with a C-section for fear that his heart rate would drop too low if we continued to attempt an induced labor. 

It was at this point that I started getting anxious and slightly upset/disappointed. Call me crazy but I was really looking forward to having him the natural way - but I knew it was best for the baby to proceed with a c-section. I wasn't going to take any chances. My doctor would return to the hospital after his office hours and we would start the procedure then. So we sat for the next five hours watching movies - I needed something to distract myself because my anxiety was steadily increasing. I knew everything there was to know about having a c-section but the whole idea of having major abdominal surgery freaked me out completely. It was also overwhelming to know that my baby would enter the world a little after five o'clock. Holy.Cra-moly. This was really happening. 

                                                      

When the doctor returned we switched rooms and I received my spinal (OUCH). Andy was then able to come into the room and as soon as I saw him I started to tear up - I was so relieved to see him. It was the strangest feeling being numb from the chest down - I could feel pressure while they prepped me and I probably asked them five times if I'm going to feel the incision since I could feel the pressure. At a certain point I was told they had already begun, phew!!! Then I felt like I couldn't breathe since the anesthesia numbed my diaphragm and I couldn't feel it expand or contract. Everyone reassured me that all my vitals were perfect and everything was ok. The doctors, anesthesiologist and the rest of the staff were so supportive and funny. I was relieved that they all worked so well together and   were trying to lighten the mood to make me more comfortable but I was still nauseas and overwhelmed. It turned out that Landon was facing forward instead of back so I am grateful we did the C-section. Had we decided to continue induced labor, I could have labored for several hours and then would have had to do an emergency C-section. 

At 5:14 pm on January 17th Landon entered the world weighing 6 lb 12 oz and was 19 3/4 inches. Andy was taking pictures of his "arrival" and the first thing I asked was if he had ten fingers and ten toes. He wasn't crying at first because he was getting suctioned (meconium) but as soon as I heard that first cry I couldn't control myself. They suctioned, assessed, wrapped and brought him over to me so that I could see him for the first time. The picture still brings me to tears. He was practically perfect in every way. 

Our meeting was, however, very brief and he was whisked away to the nursery. They stole my husband as well and I was left there to be put back together again. I was taken to my post partum room and for the next hour my vitals were being monitored and the nurses helped me when I got sick. It wasn't until almost 7:30 when I saw Andy again and nearly 8:00 when I got to hold my baby for the first time, skin to skin, and attempt his first "meal." Thank goodness for nurses  that helped with latching and positioning! I couldn't move even if I had tried. That night, and every night, in the hospital was great. Landon was so incredibly content to eat and sleep and open his eyes to meet friends and family that came to visit. Our entire hospital experience was great in every way. The nurses and techs were wonderful and the lactation consultant spent a lot of time with me. He did pretty well latching but it was exhausting and painful. More on that another time. 

We took him home on Friday during a snow storm and did so well in the car. It felt great to be home and get settled in with our new little bundle of joy. My recovery, however, did not go so well. I was in a lot of pain and couldn't do anything on my own for quite some time. Every time I took a step it felt like my side was going to split open and I swear it felt like it was actually happening. I couldn't carry my baby anywhere and I couldn't pick him up. Andy had to bring him to me when he got hungry, help me to sit up, dress, shower and change all of his diapers for the first couple weeks. I couldn't laugh/sneeze/cough without crying.

I don't know what I would have done without Andy. I didn't know that it was possible to fall deeper in love with my husband until we became a family of three.

Despite all the physical pain I experienced during my recovery I can honestly say that I've never felt so amazing. My heart was overflowing with love for my little baby and for my husband. I know it sounds cliche - but I never knew a love like that existed and it continues to grow exponentially each and every day. 

Expecting

This love story begins with a rocky start but it definitely has a fantastic ending. I took not one, but three pregnancy tests and cried. I felt guilty, irresponsible, selfish, and overwhelmed. Maybe it was the hormones, I'm not sure, but  one day Andy turned to me and said, " You don't want my baby?" At first I thought he was kidding since that was absurd to even question and then quickly realized that he was serious. I had been so worried about myself (ugh) that I wasn't even aware of how my husband felt. I did want his baby, more than anything..one day. I've always felt as though he'd be an amazing father and was looking forward to that time in our lives. It was at this point that I realized that it's ok...it's ok that 'one day' is now.

Andy took the day off to go with me to the Dr's office for my first official prenatal appointment. He was so excited that he literally took pictures of me getting into the car, walking into the building, coming out of the bathroom after peeing in a cup, getting weighed, etc. It felt so surreal. When I told my doctor the story about why I didn't take my pill since I had seen him for my annual appointment a few weeks ago he laughed and said , "Ha joke's on you!" and pointed to my belly. He's a funny guy and a great doctor but of course I didn't think it was that funny. I just smiled and said "yeah," sheepishly. And I'm not sure what I was expecting, but at no point did they take a pregnancy test to be sure. They took my vitals, my blood and said "Congrats!" For some reason I was still slightly in denial, after all, they didn't even take a test! How do they know I'm pregnant for sure!? My due date was set for January 17, 2012. 

On the way to the doctor and my first "bump pic" at 6 weeks.

The doctor's office said they would call me and let me know what my HCG levels were and gave me the phone number to schedule my first ultrasound. Sure enough, my HCG levels were normal, if not a little higher than normal. Andy was convinced based on the numbers that we were having twins (they run in my family) and I told him he better bite his tongue! Of course it would be amazing but it was hard enough to wrap my brain around one for goodness sakes! I swear he told all his friends about my levels and told everyone we were having twins. 

It was right around this time that I finally began to feel pregnant (6 weeks).  And let me just say that whoever coined the term "morning sickness" is crazy because the nausea you experience is an all day thing. I had to eat practically every hour or so to try to prevent the nausea. Luckily I never got so nauseas to the point of vomiting, but it was close. I worked in a restaurant at the time and learned quickly that it was the worst for my nausea since I could smell all the food and chemicals all over the place. I was miserable at work feeling so sick and having to pee constantly (thanks expanding uterus putting pressure on my bladder!). I was so utterly exhausted as well that I could barely keep my eyes open all day and would pass out anywhere at night. Andy found me asleep on the floor several times. The worst of it, however, had to be the breast soreness. Most women experience soreness around their time of the month and let me tell you, this was that pain times 1000 and being that I am bigger up top didn't help the situation at all. Any slight bounce or jiggle was horrific - going up stairs, down stairs, walking briskly,etc. 

But enough of that - it all only lasted the text book 12-14 weeks (end of the first trimester) and into the second trimester I felt amazing. 

The second trimester was like the golden age of my pregnancy so we decided in September to take a babymoon since we never went on our honeymoon as newlyweds. We got a good deal on the trip and decided to suck it up financially since this would be our first and only opportunity to go on vacation as a couple. Being pregnant limited the number of activities we were allowed to participate in, but it was great. We ate, slept, swam and sunned in the Riviera Maya - I was a happy preggo. 

As amazing as I felt, I also felt myself getting bigger - everywhere. I was gaining weight very quickly. Up until my pregnancy I hadn't eaten meat in two years and was in decent shape. I had gotten down to my goal weight when I got married so how funny is it that that got shot out of the water!? During my pregnancy I got lazy. I NEVER thought I'd be so lazy, but I was so tired. At the end of my pregnancy I had such intense back back I could barely stand or walk. I still kind of regret not getting my tushy up and out the door to go for a walk on the days I decided to sleep in til all hours of the morning or take 3 hour naps in the afternoon, but oh well! It was the one time in my life that I was able to put my feet up and darn it I was going to take advantage! Had I known that this would result in an almost 60 lb weight gain I may have put down that extra helping of pasta or not made that extra quesadilla. Ooops! I'm usually such a health nut, too, so I, of all people, should know better. Ooops! I started eating meat again (just chicken) because I was too lazy to make tofu or my yummy side dishes of rice and beans and I stopped working out. As a server I was on my feet all the time and as I began to serve less - the bigger I got. That's the amazing thing about a pregnancy bump - it's super cute when there's a baby in there, not so super cute when they are out. (I'm still working on that, ehh). 

Being pregnant did wonders for my skin and hair and I had a great pregnancy, free of any complications. I really have no room to complain! It's not easy growing a little human but it's definitely worth the sickness and soreness (although I didn't appreciate this until post partum). 

At our 20 week ultrasound we decided that we wanted to know the sex of our baby. I probably could have waited until the baby was born to find out but I really wanted to plan.

Looking at all the blobby images on the screen was kind of like a game of "Where's Waldo" except this time it's more like "Where's the genitals!" Luckily, the baby wasn't being shy and the ultrasound tech found exactly what Andy was hoping for - a little baby boy. She labeled my ultrasound "PENIS" next to my son's little man parts. Don't most people get " It's a boy!" or something like that? I WOULD get PENIS. 

I definitely felt closer/more bonded to my baby knowing that it was a boy. I could talk to HIM and sing to HIM and give HIM a name. We decided on Landon - a name that Andy has always loved and wanted to name his first son. I loved this name because it was different. All the popular names were getting so old and overdone so I was thrilled that this name seemed to be more original. (Although this year I'm finding out it's becoming a trendy name, gah!) We had a hard time deciding on a middle name - do we make it a family name or something unique? I looked at a popular names list from the 1800s and came across the name Archer. I fell in love. It was classic and ironically befitting since my husband bow hunts and taught archery. 

                              

Now that I look back, I feel really bad for Andy. I was not quite Preggzilla, but I wanted everything to be perfect before the baby's arrival. Being a man, he didn't (and will never) get this intense urge to nest and will never understand it. I shouldn't have expected him to but darn it he should be able to read my mind, right!!? HA! 

I dragged Andy to baby stores to do our registries. Of course the only way I could keep him entertained was by giving him the scanner (was troublesome when he started scanning things on my body, however) or letting him test drive the strollers down the aisles. He's an engineer, after all, he must test the shocks! He endured my endless questions, " What do you think of this swing, that swing? Play gym? bouncy seat, crib, etc?" The list is never ending for a baby, and eventually I stopped asking when I noticed I'd ask his opinion about little things like socks and onesies. He didn't have any preference as to what his child was going to wear because if Andy had his way Landon would be in the same outfit everyday. I think this is true of most men, they don't care if their kids run out in giant potato sacks, as long as they are dressed. Oy! He was definitely a trooper through all of this although he probably wanted to run and hide from me! He came to and participated in our showers - all three of them. 

Despite having about 10 months to prepare for my new arrival, I often felt as though it was simply not enough time. The internet can be a blessing and a curse during this time as well. I can't tell you how many countless hours I spent on The Bump or Babycenter reading about products, pregnancy questions and member comments discussing these topics. Literally, I got sucked into hours of looking at discussions about crib bumpers, birth plans, breast feeding, genetic testing, car seats and more. I read anything and everything I could about my pregnancy and preparing for this new little human I would be bringing home. A lot of this information, although helpful, is designed to scare the daylights out of you - don't have caffeine, don't use bumpers, do your kick counts - I could go on all day! Everyone wants what's best for their children and everyone thinks the way they do things is right for everyone else. I know I will be guilty of thinking this way from time to time but I hope to be aware of it and stop myself.  Throughout this blog I plan to share what has worked best for my family :)

As my due date approached I was excited and still slightly in denial. Ask my friends - I would always say " I can't believe I'm having a baby." Why still in denial you ask? The reason - it was overwhelming knowing that my whole life was about to change. It's not like starting a new job or moving to a new state - these are things that effect (affect? I can never remember oh well) your life, but having a baby IS your life from the moment they enter the world. Humans are the most helpless species as newborns and they literally depend on you for everything they need. As a parent, you are their main influence and every decision you make directly effects that child. There is no more thinking in terms of "I" it will always be "we" or "us" from here on out. It's not that I thought I was incapable of raising a child or thought that I would have a hard time transitioning into the "we" frame of mind. I had been a babysitter and nanny for several years and have had a lot of experience with babies and children. But now this child would be mine, there's no giving them back.

I felt like I didn't have enough life experience and wasn't worldly enough yet. I was going to be his teacher, but did I know enough about life to be teaching my child valuable things? Was I ready to be challenged physically, emotionally, and mentally in ways that I've never experienced? Would I feel an instant connection to this tiny little person? Would I be a good parent overall? Maybe I shouldn't have worried so much - although it's probably the people that don't worry that usually turn out to be questionable parents.  

Despite all the time I spent worrying and preparing I knew I was ready. I was ready to meet my son and embrace my new life. I knew I'd be willing to do whatever it took to keep my baby safe, healthy and happy. It was a long and winding road and I was excited for my new journey.